Nasty, Brutish & Short

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Nasty, Brutish & Short endorses...

May 23, 2006 08:52 PM

As our loyal readers may have already guessed, we are quite conflicted over the final round of today's Congressional Catfight.  As the world now knows, we have been loyal supporters of Jean Schmidt's Wildcard bid.  And, before that, we clicked for Katherine Harris as many times as our fingers would allow.  And now, unlike in most elections, we now have to chose between the greater of two goods, and not the lesser of two evils.

Why do we say this? 

Because we truly heart Jean Schmidt, and her openness, and the fact that she says what she is thinking.  And then acts accordingly.  Unlike some other politicians we know, she is still raw, unredacted, and fresh.  And, even if we disagreed with her (which we seldom do), we still think we would appreciate the fact that she certainly is not bland.  Blandness is something NBS abhors.  In conservatives.  In liberals.  In life.

On the other hand, we have Katherine Harris.  And we truly heart Katherine Harris.  Truly, truly do.  She has been completely (and in our opinion, unjustly) villified because she followed the rule of law in Florida in 2000.  She has been knifed in the back by the Republican party.  And yet still she soldiers on.  And that line of hers: "I am willing to take this widow's mite, this pearl of great price, and put everything on the line."  Choice words, my friends.  Choice words.

So we are down to a choice between two tough broads.  And to quote Ryan Seacrest, "one of them is going home tonight."  Who to pick?  Who is catier?  Whose first scratch is the deepest?

We believe the answer must lie in the meaning of the word "catfight."  According to Wikipedia,

 "Catfight" is a slang term for an altercation, between two women typically involving slapping, scratching, and hair-pulling as opposed to punching or kicking. It can also be used metaphorically to describe two human females insulting one another verbally or being otherwise nasty to one another.

Wikipedia goes on to explain what we all already know: Catfighting reached its apogee during the 1980s, when Krystle Carrington and Alexis Carrington Colby battled it out on episodes of Dynasty.  Krystle v. Alexis set the gold standard for catfighting.  We believe contenders in the Wonkette Congressional Catfight must meet these high, high standards.  So we have to ask?  Are Jean and Katherine anything like Krystle and Alexis?

We're afraid that only one of them is, my friends.  We distinctly see shades of Alexis Carrington Colby in Katherine Harris.  Both are saucy brunettes with posh accents.  Both have attitude, panache, and joie de vivre.  And is there really any doubt that Katherine Harris doesn't flounce down to breakfast every morning in a Bobby Macke original ballgown?  Surely, she must!  And who else would describe her $10,000,000 inheritence from her dad as "this widow's mite, this pearl of great price" before she donated the entire amount to her own Senate Campaign?  Alexis Carrington Colby, that's who.

And Jean?  Well she is absolutely NOTHING like Krystle Carrington.  THANK GOD.  Jean would be about as likely to run off and marry Yanni as she would to turn cartwheels the length of the Washington Mall.  No, Jean is no Krsytle.  Jean is our Jean.  Our own local original.  Fine in her own right, and still a down-to-earth gal.  As she said on Willie Cunningham's show on May 1, 2006 (the day before the recent primary), "You can find me at Kroger's.  My priorities are here.  They always have, and they always will be."  We highly doubt either Krystle or Alexis have ever been in a Kroger's.

In a catfight, dear readers, you have to bet on the cat.  And the real cat in this race is Katherine Harris.  Though the hour is late, and the cause may be futile, we urge NBS readers to vote for Katty Harris.

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» Congressional Catfight: An Amusing Endorsement from Wonkette
We’re about to close the polls in Congressional Catfight: Harris vs. Schmidt, and it’s looking like curtains for Katherine. “Mean Jean” has a sizable lead at this late hour. For your reading pleasure — and not to influence... [Read More]

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