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June 2006 Archives

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Friends Dropping Like Flies

June 30, 2006 03:30 PM

First our local buddies over at The Blue Chip Review announced they are hanging it up, and now we have late breaking news from Washington that one half of Wonkette is departing.

David Lat is leaving the Gawker media empire and starting a new venture, gossiping about lawyers for the brilliant Elizabeth Spiers (the original Gawker).  As you all surely know, David is the genius behind Underneath Their Robes, the fantastically successful blog about the federal judiciary.  Using a different name, NBS was a frequent tipster to UTR, and a huge fan of David's.  Although at the time, we thought he was a hot chick in black La Perla underwear.  We will never forget the jaw dropping moment when we learned the truth.  It was distinctly like being in a blogospheric version of Shakespeare's As You Like It.  But, we remain huge fans, even if he is not a hot bitchy chick!  We even trust him so much, that he is one of only 4 people who know NBS's true identity.

We wish David the best in his new endeavor, which we are sure will be wildly successful.  And, we hope, lucrative. 

Farewell, Blue Chip Review

Today marks a sad day in the life of Cincinnati's electronic media, as The Blue Chip Review pulls the plug after several years of excellent political and cultural commentary.  We offer our best wishes to Founder and Publisher Steve Fritsch, as well as to the rest of the Blue Chip Review crew. 

Banks Project Delayed. Again.

Oh sweet Jesus.  Yet another delay in the Banks development project.  The Banks working group has decided it needs more information from the developers, and has asked them to conduct further studies.  And,

As a result, the search process will take six to nine months longer and cost each development group up to $1 million to develop preliminary draft agreements and business plans.

Great.  If this project is completed in the next decade, it will be a miracle.

[Not that you all care, but for our non-Cincinnati readers: The Banks development is a massive project that is supposed to go in between the two stadiums in downtown Cincinnati, along the banks of the Ohio River.  It's supposed to be a mixed use residential and entertainment district, and is considered vital for the economic development of downtown.  It has been the subject of political wrangling for years.  At present, a huge empty mudhole sits in a prime location downtown, waiting for decisions to be made].

4th O July Safety Tips

Happy 4th, peeps.  Be careful with the roman candles!  Also, sparklers are meant to be used outside.

We don't need no hata's, we just try to luv one anotha...

June 29, 2006 10:39 PM

For the uninitiated, Myheritage.com is a fantastic website that assists people doing genealogical research.  It also offers a great resource: a photo comparison that uses physical traits to help you figure out if you share any genetic traits with celebrities!  We thought it would be worth the effort to see if we have an locals who are celebrity material.

So we entered this photo of Cincinnati Mayor Mark Mallory...

And it turns out--no drama--the celebrity he has the most in common with is none other than Mary J. Blige!

Wooo-hoo!  Mayor Mallory!  We can see the resemblance.  And like you and Mary,

We don't need no hateration, holleratin'
In this dance for me

That's right, yowl.  With the Mallorys, it's always a Family Affair!

Check back with NBS for more celebrity look-a-likes!

Star always was a team player.

Speaking of Star, we have another great memory of her.  Remember the AWESOME video of her playing football?

hitstar.jpg

Quite the athlete, ain't she?

God will provide, Star. God will provide.

NBS has been having difficulty figuring out what to post about the whole Star Jones Reynolds/Baba Wawa fiasco.  Frankly, we don't know what exactly to make if it, except it sure is fun!  But, it is not like we get to sit at home watching The View--or that we'd particularly want to--so it's not like we can write amusing anecdotes about just how pissed Barbara is, or who betrayed whom. 

But what NBS can do is tap our considerable memory, and flash back to this delightful story in the New York Times from the Summer of '04.  It is written by the perfectly named Coco Henson Scales, a hostess at a Manhattan hot spot.  She tells of Star Jones's visit to Hue:

"He has a terrible attitude," Star says [of one of Hue's employees]. "I am a guest, invited by Karim. I do not have to come here."

"No, you don't," I say. "But I'm so glad you did." I wince, thinking that sounds sarcastic. "He's sorry," I say. She and her fiancé step in cautiously, and I lead them down to the V.I.P. room. She laughs when she sees the beds, and the two of them climb onto one. He orders two Passion Cosmos — girly drinks, I think. I run to the bar and tell Liza, a server, that Star has just sat down in her section.

Liza sighs. "Is she paying?" she asks. I frown at such a silly question.

A few minutes later, I check on the happy couple. Fully clothed, Star is on her hands and knees on the bed, laughing. Her fiancé is behind her, hands around her waist, mimicking a sex act. In front of the other customers in the room, he then flips her over and climbs on top of her. I stare, mortified.

After two rounds of drinks, they are ready to leave. I watch curiously as they ask for the check and Liza tells them politely it is on Karim. "Oh, wow, thank you," Star says. "I'm sorry, I would tip you but I don't have my wallet," she tells Liza.

"Oh, no problem," Liza says, clasping her hands in prayer. "God will provide."

Star smiles as her eyes look to the ceiling. "Yes," she says. "He will."

So there you have it, Star.  You may have lost your job.  But have faith.  God will provide!

[Read the whole NYT piece.  There is a wonderful bit about what happens when Monica Lewinksy is dining at the restaurant and Chelsea Clinton shows up in the bar.  Also an amusing bit about Barbara Bush, the younger].

Eminent Domain Tax Bill

June 28, 2006 09:07 AM

What do you get when a developer uses local government to seize property through eminent domain so he can put up a Crate and Barrel, and then the appeals drag on?  Before you answer, recall that the supposed public interest in this sort of eminent domain seizure is that the economic development increases the tax base.

Well it turns out that is not what the new developer argues when the tax bill comes due.  Today's Enquirer explains that the developers of the Rookwood Exchange property in Norwood--which the city of Norwood seized for them because it would increase the city's tax base--is arguing that the property it paid $21.6 million for is now only worth $3.2 million.  And that is all they should be required to pay tax on.  The reason?  Even though the Courts have turned over legal ownership of the properties to the developer, they have also issued a stay preventing the destruction of three homes on the property until the appeals are exhausted.  So the developer owns the property, but can't do anything with it until the Ohio Supreme Court issues a ruling.  And for property tax purposes, the developer claims that the property it now owns is basically worthless.

The Hamilton County Board of Revision has not bought into that argument completely, and has ruled that the property is worth the equivalent of what it was worth before the government seized it and handed it over to the developer (about $11 million).  So while it is worth more than the $3.2 million that the developer has claimed, it is still no where near the $21.6 million that the developer paid for the property.

So this year, at least, the City of Norwood is reaping what it has sown.  It has kicked people out of the homes that they owned, and turned the property over for a private development.  A development that is now stalled.  So Norwood has not, in fact, accomplished what it set out to accomplish--increase the tax base.  Remember how the City of Norwood claimed this use of imminent domain would bring in $400,000 more annually for the schools and $3.5 million in earnings taxes?  Well it turns out the schools will not be getting that $400,000, and Norwood won't be getting the $3.5 million in earnings taxes.  In fact, they haven't increased the tax base by a single penny.

Strickland up by 13%

June 27, 2006 09:46 PM

A new poll shows Ted Strickland leading Ken Blackwell in the Ohio Governor's race--by 13 points.  We had heard reports a few days ago that Strickland's lead was down to about 6-7%. 

We at NBS tend not to believe polls, except we consume them voraciously.  And we do, kind of believe them.  We just don't like to admit it.  Especially when they look like this.  We also do believe the lead is more in the 6-7% range.  But still, that ain't enough to pull out a win.  Polling in this race will be strange, though, throughout the election, because we don't know what percentage of the minority vote Blackwell will ultimately carry.

But nevertheless, this does not does not bode well.

From the "This WILL Go Down in Your Permanent Record" File

Proving that you can never escape the past, President Bush's new nominee for Treasury Secretary had some owning up to do when he completed the questionaire submitted to him by the Senate Treasury Committee.  He confesses that back in the summer of '69:

I climbed a fence of a public swimming pool in West Lafayette, Ind., and swam in the pool after-hours. I was arrested for trespassing and fingerprinted. Subsequently, all charges against me were dropped.

A misspent youth.  Reason No. 1382 why NBS is never going to get nominated for a cabinet level position. 

Cincinnati is no Lexington (Thank God)

Hat tip to Brian, over at Cincinnati Blog, for pointing out this article we missed in yesterday's Enquirer: a slurpy ode extolling the virtues of Lexington, Kentucky.  We are sure this has nothing to do with the fact that Milton Dohoney, the Mayor's pick for City Manager, recently held the equivalent job for Lexington-Fayette County government--and the Enquirer supports Mr. Dohoney. 

Apparently Enquirer staff writer Dan Klepal was dispatched to Lexington to do some extensive man-on-the-street interviews with people who really, really like it there.  And what did Mr. Klepal learn?  People really, really like it there!!! 

Plus, Mr. Klepal reports, there are no blighted or abandoned buildings in Lexington.  None!  What else does Lexington have?  No poverty?  Perfect race relations?  Streets paved with gold?  Lexington: it's the Big Rock Candy Mountain

The Enquirer even runs this photo--of downtown rooftops and a skyscraper--and captions it by saying "[n]o blighted or abandoned buildings are obvious in this view of downtown Lexington."

 No blighted or abandoned buildings are obvious in this view of downtown Lexington.

Well no.  Our Fifth-Third building isn't abandoned either. 

The Enquirer also runs a handy, dandy multimedia piece "Lexington vs. Cincinnati By the Numbers," but does not clearly point out that they are using Lexington-Fayette county statistics and comparing them to stats just for the City of Cincinnati.  Hamilton County stats are NOT in the mix.  Granted, this is because Lexington-Fayette has fairly unique form of municipal/county government.  But it doesn't change the fact that the Enquirer is comparing apples and oranges.  The demographics around here change quite a bit when Hamilton County is included.  So do the political realities. 

But hey, if real reporting can be accomplished by getting in the car, heading South, talking to folks in downtown Lexington, and claiming personal observations as fact, how about this:

NBS is in Lexington fairly frequently on business.  The downtown is a ghost town as soon as the work day is completed.  There are few good restaurants.  There are no places to shop.  There is zero nightlife.  In fact, few places downtown are even open after the evening rush is over.  And, we are fairly certain we saw at least one blighted building.  There are also some lovely old homes that are very well maintained.  And of course, Keeneland.  But that is about it.

Presto!  Instant news!

Harder than a camel to pass through the eye of a needle?

A 600 pound woman has survived being thrown through the sunroof of her car during an accident.

But how does a 600 pound woman fit through a sunroof?

Rush detained...

Fox News and CNN (via the Associated Press) are reporting that Rush Limbaugh was detained yesterday after his private plane arrived from the Dominican Republic.  Customs and Immigration officials searched the plane, and found a bottle of viagra on board.  It did not have Rush's name on it, but those of his doctors. 

The matter was turned over to the Palm Beach County Sheriff's office--the office that had, until recently, been investigating Rush based on allegations that he improperly obtained pain pill prescriptions.  Which is not something that the typical private individual is ever prosecuted for, absent extremly exigent circumstances... like being a prominent conservative Republican.  Palm Beach authorities launched a massive legal battle to access Rush's medical records, which they lost.  Last month, Palm Beach officials reached a deal with Rush, which amounted to a total concession on their part, and frankly, made them look like a bunch of hacks.  All charges were dropped in exchange for Rush agreeing to random drug tests and a treatment program.

Now it looks like the Palm Beach authorities are doing everything they can to try to save face--and embarrass Rush.  Detaining someone for unprescribed viagra?  Again, not something the average member of the public is ever charged with.  And, Rush's explaination--that the reason the bottle does not have his name on it is for privacy purposes--sounds completely legit.  And easily verifiable.

If Palm Beach County officials think this will help them save face--and rehabilitate their reputation for inititating politically-motivated criminal investigations--they are seriously mistaken.  What the hell is going on in Palm Beach County?

And for those who think the fact that this made it into the news is normal, you are wrong.  In Ohio, authorities do NOT disclose the names of uncharged suspects.  Because uncharged suspects have rights.  They may even be innocent.  So why is the sheriff in Palm Beach issuing statements to the press? 

UPDATE:

Well of course, NBS tuned into Rush to see if he had anything to say about this at the start of his show.  He had started with moderately funny joke about how he didn't understand how he ended up with Bob Dole's luggage.  Then he described his weekend, which sounded completely fantastic.  He was in D.C. for a dinner at the Supreme Court, and got a private tour of the Court with Clarence Thomas.  Ann Coulter was there, as was the Secretary of Homeland Security.  He also hosted a symposium at the Heritage Foundation with the cast and crew of "24."  Then Karl Rove called, to see if they'd like to pop in for lunch, so Rush et al. hung with Rove for a while, before the President rang and asked him to stop by the Oval for a howdy-hi.  Then it was back to hang with Rove for a few hours.  Then he jetted off on his private plane to the Dominican Republic for a visit to a tobacco farm and a charity event.

Now THAT is NBS's idea of a great weekend.  Viagra or no, we would have had a hard-on the entire time!

UPDATE NO. 2

We evidently missed one of the jokes Rush had today, and it was a pretty good one:

"I told my doctors I was worried about the next election!"

Not bad, Rush.  Not bad!

Breaking: Ann Coulter is a Deadhead!

June 26, 2006 01:23 PM

Ann Coulter, the saucy right wing commentator (who NBS adores) has given an interview to, of all news organizations, "Jambands.com."  Apparently Ann is a huge Grateful Dead fan!  Who would have thunk?

The interview, in which Ann recounts her numerous strange trips to Grateful Dead concerts, is not to be missed.  Especially this bit about her college daize:

I fondly remember seeing the Dead when I was at Cornell. It was the day of the fabulous Fiji Island party on the driveway “island” of the Phi Gamma Delta House. We'd cover ourselves in purple Crisco and drink purple Kool-Aid mixed with grain alcohol and dance on the front yard. Wait – I think got the order reversed there: We'd drink purple Kool-Aid mixed with grain alcohol and then cover ourselves in purple Crisco – then the dancing. You probably had to be there to grasp how utterly fantastic this was.

FANTASTIC.  Ann, we drank grain punch in college too!  We have so much in common! 

Our favorite bit of thie interview, however, pertains to the strange, heretofore undisclosed nexis between the Ann, the Grateful Dead, Linda Tripp, and the Monica Lewinksy investigation.  Ann says:

My collection of Dead tapes, by the way, was the reason I heard one of the Linda Tripp tapes before Ken Starr did. Tripp's lawyer obviously needed to hear the tape before turning it over to the prosecutor, but he only had an old 1950's tape player and couldn't get it to work and Ken Starr wanted the tape the next morning. He was terrified he'd hit the wrong button and erase the evidence. In the wee hours of the morning, it occurred him, a Deadhead himself, that he knew one person in D.C. who definitely had a tape machine. So, at around 2 AM, he called me and asked to come over to use my tape deck.

Priceless.

Creepy, Creepy, Creepy

June 22, 2006 10:56 PM

Well Sandra Ali of News 5 just told us about this, and then we click on Drudge (before bed, Drudge and a glass of vino reassures us that the world will be there tomorrow) and there is a link to this story.

And that story is this: A crazy lunatic of a valet parker in D.C. copied some poor woman's keys--because he was "in love with her"--and broke into her apartment.  He installed a video camera, but was interrupted when she came home with her boyfriend.  So he hid.  Under the bed.  FOR TWO DAYS.  Then, the boyfriend discovered him (the article does not say if the smell of urine tipped them off that something was amiss). 

Can you imagine?  Oh, and guess what he was found with: A change of clothes, condoms, a power cord and latex gloves.   And when they searched his house, they found a copy of her vacation photos and wedding video, which he had apparently stolen from this woman's ex-husband's house.

He got three years.  We're thinking that may not be enough. 

Episcopal Church Approves "Jesus Take the Wheel" Liturgy

Okay, we are sorry to our non Episcopalian (and/or?) Anglican readers for the posts of late that may not seem relevant to you.  We were going to stop, but we were just reading a report from the Episcopal News Service about some of the other things that were rushed through the General Convention yesterday afternoon, while most of us were either press conferencing, caterwauling, or constantly clicking "refresh."  One of the things they did was:

Approve for trial use new liturgies concerning rites of passage, including reaching puberty, earning a driver's license and dating relationships (A067).

Arrrrrrrrrrrghhh.  This is a hideous theological train wreck.  A liturgical disaster.  And tacky, tacky, tacky.  We cannot imagine what the liturgy for reaching puberty reads like.  "The Lord be with you.  And also with the tingling sensation between your thighs.  And yes, it is natural to have hair down there."

And how are we going to decide when puberty has been reached?  Can you imagine the dirty uncle, saying, "Looks like things are starting to develop on you, little lady.  Maybe it's time to get you up to the church for your puberty liturgy."  The whole thing has a seedy, inappropriate vibe to it.  

It's Primative with a capital P.  Other cultures may celebrate the arrival of puberty, but those cultures are NOT within the Anglo-American tradition.  This is not a rite of passage that requires public celebration.  It reeks of the hyper-sexualization of our youth.  And for the Church to be a part of it?  It is appalling.

And why do we think this does the teenagers any favors?  As if teenagers don't feel awkward enough, we are now going to trounce them out to celebrate their puberty?  Most teenagers we know would rather crawl under a rock and die.

The same problems exist with the liturgy for getting your drivers' license, and the liturgy for dating relationships, which are slightly less cringe-worthy, but even more inane.  A liturgy for getting your drivers' license?  What are we celebrating?  The miracle of short lines at the BMV? 

And, as as an until recently single male, let me say that I am extremely, extremely sorry for any guy who is asked to participate in a liturgy for a dating relationships.  Buddy, it is a T-R-A-P.  If someone suggests you participate in this, they are a freak.  RUN LIKE HELL. 

Sweet Jesus, people.  Just about the only thing Episcopal Church has left is its (underserved) reputation for being a bastion of WASP good taste.  Can't you people at least let us have that?  Why do we constantly have to be humiliated by this kind of stupidity? 

That's why I'm stuck on you...

Yesterday, addressing the General Convention of the Episcopal Church, the Presiding Bishop-Elect stated that:

[T]he bishop of LA spoke eloquently of living in a church with two minds and as he was speaking an image arose in my mind, the image of conjoined twins. Two bodies in one being. And when they wrestle with separating the twins, doctors recognize it is wrong unless both can live full lives. We are in a church like that.

So we're conjoined twins, people.  Ya got that?  Cue the jokes:  "What has 4 arms, 2 heads and a 3 legged stool?"  Etc, Etc.  We can't miss joining the fun, by asking, what conjoined twins are we most like?  This game will be more fun for all our whiskypalian friends.  But, others, feel free to play along...

Which set of conjoined twins is the Episcopal Church most like?

A.  Matt Damon and Greg Kinnear in "Stuck on You," the 2003 movie about conjoined twins who chuck the small town life to head to Hollywood in search of fame and fortune.

Matt Damon and Greg Kinnear in 20th Century Fox's Stuck on You

B.  The Biddenden Maids, 1100-1134.  No photograph available, as they lived in the Twelfth Century.  But, we do know that "Eliza and Mary Chulkhurst lived in Kent, in the UK, and were joined at hip and shoulder. When one twin died, the remaining one is alleged to have refused separation, saying, 'As we came together, we will also go together'. She died shortly after her sister. The twins left 20 acres of land to the poor, and every Easter commemorative cakes, decorated with their image, are given to visitors to the village."

C.  Chang and Eng, 1811-1874.  The original "Siamese Twins," Chang and Eng were born in Siam. According to Wipikedia, "for many years they traveled with the Barnum Circus. In the 1840s they married sisters Sarah and Adelaide Yates of North Carolina and purchased two adjoining farm properties just west of Mount Airy, North Carolina. Together they fathered between 20 and 23 children . . .  They owned slaves and during the American Civil War many of their descendants fought for the Confederacy."

A painting of Chang and Eng Bunker, circa 1836

So it's down to a choice, ABC!  Er... between A, B and C, we mean.

THE ANSWER:

It is a close question.  Clearly, the Biddenden Maids make a strong showing, what with their ties to merry old England.  And Easter cookies in their honor, distributed to tourists!  That is pretty darn Episcopalian, my friends!  Chang and Eng are also strong contenders, what with the fact that they pulled off the sexually impossible: fathering over 20 children, despite being joined at the torso to each other.  Those unions need bonus blessings, just for sheer creativity!  Get some crazy Bishop, on that STAT!  Plus they owned slaves, and fought for the Confederacy!  So, they get credit for likely having known tons of people who went to Sewanee, AND, because as former slave holders, they have a lot of repentin' to do, via ill-conceived modern notions of social justice.  That is pretty darn Episcopalian, too, people!

We are afraid, though, that the Answer clearly is "A."  This answer would be readily apparent, if you were one of the few people who has seen the film.  As Yahoo movies explains, in the movie "Stuck on You,"

Things finally begin to look up for Walt when the boys encounter legendary diva--and Acadamy Award winning actress--Cher.  Looking to sabotage her new television series, of which she wants no part, Cher casts Walt as her co-star.  Instead of dooming the show, Walt propels it to the top of the ratings, and the brothers became instant celebrities.  But their real adventure is only beginning, as Bob finds romance with a longtime cyber-pal...

So the Episocal Church is most like conjoined twins in "Stuck on You."  Because one half of both is infatuated with Cher!

So here's to our new slogan:

The Episcopal Church welcomes is stuck on you!

Royal Family Responds to General Convention of the Episcopal Church...

June 20, 2006 10:26 PM

062006 Royals001

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As the Daily Mail explains:

"While she gamely tried to maintain her legendary poise and dignity, Philip, the Princess Royal and Princes Charles and Harry fought a losing battle to stifle their mirth. Sideways glances and suppressed grins slowly gave way to open laughter. Harry even had to cover his face and duck out of view to hide his uncontrolled guffaws. The Queen, however, adopted a stolid expression and flicked her eyes to her left in a look of reproach. Perhaps the icy stare did the trick, for her giggling family soon regained their composure..."

 

Ted Strickland is too blingy

June 13, 2006 09:50 AM

Argentinos....  Argentinos.... We are all workers now!

Here's a fun picture of Ted Strickland doing his best Juan Peron.  We love the earnest blowfish look.  But what's with the bling?  Two big gold rings?  Tacky.

As NBS's college roommate says "Don't you just love Mrs. Bolivia's outrage?"

June 12, 2006 10:52 PM

Okay.  What do you get when you combine Alan Thicke, a bunch of MILF beaty queens, an angel dangling from the stage by a rope, the gratitious use of the word "duties," and the words "WHAT have you done?  Mrs. Russia won.  Not Mrs. Costa Rica!"

What you get is this hysterical incident from the 2006 Mrs. World Pageant, where an extremely confused (drunk?) Alan Thicke and a bimbette presenter accidentally CROWN THE WRONG WOMAN as Mrs. World. 

Our favorite by far would be the Mrs. who delightedly pans to the camera, "Fiasco!"

A reminder to our loyal readers . . .

June 11, 2006 08:35 PM

As previously noted, NBS is off getting married.  So as they say, blogging will be light.  But we will offer this rare glimpse into NBS's private world.  As one of NBS's co-workers once said, after meeting NBS's then-girlfriend (soon to be w***),

"Dude.  Your girlfriend looks expensive."

Indeed.  You do not need to send us your best wishes.  Only cold, hard cash.  Thanks!

UPDATE: He meant this in a "she looks like she likes nice things" kind of way.  Not in a "how much is she per hour" kind of way.

Who the hell did the seating chart for this party?

June 8, 2006 03:13 PM

Okay, what the hell is up with this little blurb in Page Six?

The scene: Vogue Editor/mega-bitch Anna Wintour's table at CFDA Awards (whatever the hell they are).  The scoop: Lindsay Lohan, who apparently got up from the table six (6!) times in two hours to go "powder her nose."  Umm yeah.  "Powder her nose."  She can't even come up with a discrete metaphor for snorting coke.  Allegedly snorting coke, I mean.  Or, maybe it was a bladder infection? [ed. if so, Lindsay, try cranberry juice!].

But anyway, the part that really got our eyes popping was this graph:

During the last trip, Wintour leaned over and whispered to a Vogue staffer: "Tell her, if she gets up one more time, she will never be invited to one of my events again."  Lohan's date, Karl Lagerfeld, was then told, "Karl, this is your guest, control her!"

It's that noun in apposition.  "Lohan's date, Karl Lagerfeld."  Karl Lagerfeld???  The one with the fans?  And the sunglasses?  And the little dog and the umbrella?  THAT Karl Lagerfeld was Linsday Lohan's date?  What are they, the new Tom and Katie?

This sounds more like an episode of the Surreal Life than any dinner party we'd want to go to.  Who else was there?  The queen of hearts?  Anyone steal her tarts?  Can someone please explain, why, WHY is Karl Lagerfeld Lindsay Lohan's date?  Did he pick her up, drive her to the event, and then make sure she got home safely?  If Anna starts screaming at Karl and Lindsay to "make out" do they do it, just because they are scared?  We just do not understand...

Oh Dear

June 5, 2006 10:26 PM

Okay, we take back what we just said about tomorrow, quite possibly, being the end of days.  Because we have just seen a photo of Heather freakin' Locklear on the beach with her new boyfriend.  It is disturbing beyond belief.

Gird yourselves, peeps.  The hour is nigh.

Happy Bad Theology Day!

We did have to take a break from the weddingpalooza to acknowledge tomorrow's big day.

06-06-06

Ooooooooo scary.  We have read reports (linked to by Matt Drudge, mostly) about the wild parties that are planned in Hell, Michigan.  And that some women are refusing to schedule c-sections for tomorrow, because they don't want to give birth to the spawn of satan.  And granted, that would suck.

But we here at NBS are not worried.  And, just to bring you up to speed on why you don't need to stay up all night packing canned goods and preparing for the Last Battle:

(1) When Revelations was written, the calendar didn't work the same way as it does now.  Ya big dope!

(2) The text of Revelations only says, "This calls for wisdom: let him who has understanding reckon the number of the beast, for it is a human number, its number is six hundred and sixty-six."  That doesn't exactly say the rapture definitely starts tomorrow, folks.  And remember how it begins.  With the words "this calls for wisdom."  That's W-I-S-D-O-M.  Try it tomorrow, and the day after!  You'll find it works wonders.

(3) There's something else somewhere in the Bible that says something about "thou shalt not know the number of thy days" or words to that effect.  NBS is not going to look it up for you.  Find it yourself, it'll do you some good.

So sleep tight, peeps.  You have nothing to fear on Bad Theology Day.  However, tomorrow you may, despite being a good person, get hit by a bus.  But that is a topic for Complex Theology (a.k.a. "why bad things happen to good people") Day.     

"YOU SAY YOU WANT A REVELATION" UPDATE:  A friend (who has a Masters in Divinity from Harvard) emails to say it is "Revelation" not "Revelations."  He notes, "apparently there's only one."  And granted, that narrows it down quite a bit.  But we are still not entirely sure.... what exactly is the Revelation, then?  Anyone, feel free to chime in...

 

We you thinking you had been abandoned?

Heck no!  We are in this for the long haul, folks.  We'd always thought we wouldn't be one of those bloggers that announces all of their personal doings, and constantly apologizes for the lack of posts.  And yet, here we are. 

So here goes: blogging will be light for the next two weeks.  NBS is heading off to git hitched.  We thought having a vibrant legal practice and getting ready for a wedding would still leave plenty of time for non-stop witty commentary.  But no.  Being a registry whore is a full time job!

So bookmark NBS, check in every now and then, and be ready for a full strength NBS in two weeks.  And, remember, Emily Post says that just because you weren't actually invited to a wedding, it doesn't mean you still can't send gifts!

Spelling Bee in Prime Time

June 1, 2006 09:43 AM

Is it fair to say you are a bad American if you don't watch the finals of the Scripps-Howard Spelling Bee tonight?  NBS thinks it is.  It will be so uniquely, and wonderfully American.  And for the first time ever, it is in prime time. 

It's kids.  In pain.  And over-zealous parenting!  We certainly plan on tuning in.  The L.A. Times reports on the logistical nightmare this presents (it sounds like the issues CBS has on the first two days of the NCAA tournament):

The problem for television is that, like any live sports event, there is no way to predict the ending. After the spellers are winnowed down to the last 10 or 15 Thursday (with ESPN on hand beginning at noon Eastern time), bee officials will stop the daytime event and delay what ABC is calling "the title rounds" until 8 p.m. Once the lights dim and the cameras zoom, anything could happen. A lot of kids could fade early. Or two could keep battling off words such as "logorrhea" (excessive wordiness) and "smaragdine" (the color of emeralds) until long past the network's planned 10 p.m. signoff.

"Anything could happen."  This should make for excellent tv!

Time to Google Bomb Boise!

Human Events magazine, which bills itself as The National Conservative Weekly (note: the print edition of National Review is bi-monthly), has put together a list of the Top 10 most conservative cities in the country.  We come in at No. 10.

Whoo-hooo! 

The other cities in the Top 10 are (9) Boise, Idaho, (8) Mesa, Arizona, (7) Clarksville, Tennessee, (6) Wichita, Kansas, (5) Colorado Springs, Colorado, (4) Abilene, Texas, (3) Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, (2) Plano, Texas and (1) Provo, Utah.

We have to concur with the commenter over at the Enquirer's Politics blog, who noted doggedly, that our No. 10 placement means that there is "still plenty of room for improvement."  Indeed

Now we have to set our sights on moving up the list.  I say we begin with a blogospheric attack on the poseurs in Boise.  I say we google bomb Boise with claims that it is full of a bunch of libs!  We can call it "Operation Spud Scud!!!"  Those LIBERALS in BOISE will never know what hit 'em.

[Full disclosure: back in high school, NBS worked as an intern at Human Events, which we point out lest anyone conclude that the fun we've had with Jean Schmidt means NBS is some bitchy lib.  That is only half-true!]