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Episcopal Church Approves "Jesus Take the Wheel" Liturgy

June 22, 2006 03:10 PM

Okay, we are sorry to our non Episcopalian (and/or?) Anglican readers for the posts of late that may not seem relevant to you.  We were going to stop, but we were just reading a report from the Episcopal News Service about some of the other things that were rushed through the General Convention yesterday afternoon, while most of us were either press conferencing, caterwauling, or constantly clicking "refresh."  One of the things they did was:

Approve for trial use new liturgies concerning rites of passage, including reaching puberty, earning a driver's license and dating relationships (A067).

Arrrrrrrrrrrghhh.  This is a hideous theological train wreck.  A liturgical disaster.  And tacky, tacky, tacky.  We cannot imagine what the liturgy for reaching puberty reads like.  "The Lord be with you.  And also with the tingling sensation between your thighs.  And yes, it is natural to have hair down there."

And how are we going to decide when puberty has been reached?  Can you imagine the dirty uncle, saying, "Looks like things are starting to develop on you, little lady.  Maybe it's time to get you up to the church for your puberty liturgy."  The whole thing has a seedy, inappropriate vibe to it.  

It's Primative with a capital P.  Other cultures may celebrate the arrival of puberty, but those cultures are NOT within the Anglo-American tradition.  This is not a rite of passage that requires public celebration.  It reeks of the hyper-sexualization of our youth.  And for the Church to be a part of it?  It is appalling.

And why do we think this does the teenagers any favors?  As if teenagers don't feel awkward enough, we are now going to trounce them out to celebrate their puberty?  Most teenagers we know would rather crawl under a rock and die.

The same problems exist with the liturgy for getting your drivers' license, and the liturgy for dating relationships, which are slightly less cringe-worthy, but even more inane.  A liturgy for getting your drivers' license?  What are we celebrating?  The miracle of short lines at the BMV? 

And, as as an until recently single male, let me say that I am extremely, extremely sorry for any guy who is asked to participate in a liturgy for a dating relationships.  Buddy, it is a T-R-A-P.  If someone suggests you participate in this, they are a freak.  RUN LIKE HELL. 

Sweet Jesus, people.  Just about the only thing Episcopal Church has left is its (underserved) reputation for being a bastion of WASP good taste.  Can't you people at least let us have that?  Why do we constantly have to be humiliated by this kind of stupidity? 

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