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That's why I'm stuck on you...

June 22, 2006 12:59 PM

Yesterday, addressing the General Convention of the Episcopal Church, the Presiding Bishop-Elect stated that:

[T]he bishop of LA spoke eloquently of living in a church with two minds and as he was speaking an image arose in my mind, the image of conjoined twins. Two bodies in one being. And when they wrestle with separating the twins, doctors recognize it is wrong unless both can live full lives. We are in a church like that.

So we're conjoined twins, people.  Ya got that?  Cue the jokes:  "What has 4 arms, 2 heads and a 3 legged stool?"  Etc, Etc.  We can't miss joining the fun, by asking, what conjoined twins are we most like?  This game will be more fun for all our whiskypalian friends.  But, others, feel free to play along...

Which set of conjoined twins is the Episcopal Church most like?

A.  Matt Damon and Greg Kinnear in "Stuck on You," the 2003 movie about conjoined twins who chuck the small town life to head to Hollywood in search of fame and fortune.

B.  The Biddenden Maids, 1100-1134.  No photograph available, as they lived in the Twelfth Century.  But, we do know that "Eliza and Mary Chulkhurst lived in Kent, in the UK, and were joined at hip and shoulder. When one twin died, the remaining one is alleged to have refused separation, saying, 'As we came together, we will also go together'. She died shortly after her sister. The twins left 20 acres of land to the poor, and every Easter commemorative cakes, decorated with their image, are given to visitors to the village."

C.  Chang and Eng, 1811-1874.  The original "Siamese Twins," Chang and Eng were born in Siam. According to Wipikedia, "for many years they traveled with the Barnum Circus. In the 1840s they married sisters Sarah and Adelaide Yates of North Carolina and purchased two adjoining farm properties just west of Mount Airy, North Carolina. Together they fathered between 20 and 23 children . . .  They owned slaves and during the American Civil War many of their descendants fought for the Confederacy."

So it's down to a choice, ABC!  Er... between A, B and C, we mean.

THE ANSWER:

It is a close question.  Clearly, the Biddenden Maids make a strong showing, what with their ties to merry old England.  And Easter cookies in their honor, distributed to tourists!  That is pretty darn Episcopalian, my friends!  Chang and Eng are also strong contenders, what with the fact that they pulled off the sexually impossible: fathering over 20 children, despite being joined at the torso to each other.  Those unions need bonus blessings, just for sheer creativity!  Get some crazy Bishop, on that STAT!  Plus they owned slaves, and fought for the Confederacy!  So, they get credit for likely having known tons of people who went to Sewanee, AND, because as former slave holders, they have a lot of repentin' to do, via ill-conceived modern notions of social justice.  That is pretty darn Episcopalian, too, people!

We are afraid, though, that the Answer clearly is "A."  This answer would be readily apparent, if you were one of the few people who has seen the film.  As Yahoo movies explains, in the movie "Stuck on You,"

Things finally begin to look up for Walt when the boys encounter legendary diva--and Acadamy Award winning actress--Cher.  Looking to sabotage her new television series, of which she wants no part, Cher casts Walt as her co-star.  Instead of dooming the show, Walt propels it to the top of the ratings, and the brothers became instant celebrities.  But their real adventure is only beginning, as Bob finds romance with a longtime cyber-pal...

So the Episocal Church is most like conjoined twins in "Stuck on You."  Because one half of both is infatuated with Cher!

So here's to our new slogan:

The Episcopal Church welcomes is stuck on you!

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