Nasty, Brutish & Short

September 2006 Archives

« Previous · Home · Next »

Where in the World is NBS, No. 2

September 22, 2006 08:49 AM

A picture is worth a thousand words:

Willemstad

We're actually still here, though, until tomorrow.  We may be back later if we get bored with these discovery responses.

"My dad always taught me. They'll keep the tape anyway."

so says Paris Hilton, explaining why she won't be blackmailed, with because yes, more "private tapes" have been stolen from her home.  What Dad counsels his daughter with "They'll always keep the tape anyway," advice?  Seriously, what the hell?  What ever happened to good, old-fashioned admonitions about not being a total skank?  You'd think that would make for better fatherly advice. 

NBS was not too busy to be amused...

September 21, 2006 10:25 PM

...while he has been preoccupied.  Especially by these items:

Hugo Chavez calling President Bush "the devil" in a speech before the United Nations.  This is not that amusing, when one thinks about all those who don't get it, and the dangers we face.  But it is very amusing when one thinks of how this helps the President and Republicans this fall.  Insulting foreign leaders on U.S. soil does wonders for turning out the base.  NBS hearts Hugo!

The new season of The Amazing Race--the best show on TV.  We can't replicate Television Without Pity's coverage, though at some point we hope to chime in.  Right now, we are rooting for the fairly annoying but cute Kentuckians, and the mother/daughter team from Alabama.  We're not impressed with the disabled woman who complains constantly of disadvantage, and then seeks preferential airline seating.  Oh, and who tells a cab driver "it's an emergency!" and points to her perfectly fine prosthetic leg.

Ann Althouse's headline "There May Come a Time When a Lass Needs a Lawyer" on her post about Ellen Barkin's breakup with Revlon CEO Ron Perelman.  She is actioning off her jewelry (Ellen Barkin, that is, not Ann Althouse).  The Althouse header is, of course, a line from "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend."

This ad, (click on "NBRA Radio ad listen here") being aired by the National Black Republican Association in the Maryland Senate race.  Democrats hate it because it's true!

Don't worry about NBS...

...we're still around.  If you've ever bothered to read the About NBS page, you'll see that NBS is a lawyer by trade.  A litigator, if you want the specifics.  And litigators go through periods when they are very, very busy. 

Such is one of those times.  It is also complicated by the fact that NBS is about to go away for an entire week, and there is a lot to do to make sure the practice doesn't collapse during that time.

[Actually, this is all a lot of hand-wringing, that is unfortunately very typical of lawyers.  There is no chance the practice will collapse within a week, thanks to the complicated scheme devised by NBS and his secretary... fax this on Monday, mail this on Tuesday, demand this on Wednesday, etc., etc.  The other side will never know NBS is gone!]

At any rate (hourly, contingency, mixed fee), stay tuned for some blogging in the near future.  We may even be able to post a little tomorrow, and possibly even from our exotic locale.  Stay tuned.

UPDATE: Wouldn't you know it, all of the lawyer cartoons out there (we were planning on putting one with this post) carry threatening language about copyrights.  Looks like all the lawyer cartoonists are all lawyers themselves, with big chips on their shoulders, career resentment, and irreverent attitudes.  In other words, they're bloggers who can draw.  If you truly can't do without some lawyer cartoons, we recommend The New Yorker Book of Lawyer Cartoons.

In Memoriam: David Ortiz

September 10, 2006 10:43 PM

As we mentioned last week, this website is honored to participate in the 2,996 project this year, which commemorates the individuals who were murdered on September 11, 2001.  The response to this project has been so overwhelming, that far more than 2,996 private websites have signed up to participate, and the organizers have started through the list a second time.  We encourage everyone to spend some time today, and review some of the tributes that are appearing on the internet.  Each of the lives that were lost five years ago were precious.  We encourage our readers to reflect on those individuals today, and what they meant to those who loved them.

David Ortiz was one of those individuals.  He was a locksmith from Nanuet, New York, who worked for the Port Authority.  He had a wife named Lillian, and two children: Richard, who was 14 years old in 2001, and Crystal, who was 6.  He was very close to his brother, Martin, and his sister, Maria.  We encourage you to think about Lillian, Richard, Crystal, Martin and Maria today.  They think about David often, and you can read some of their thoughts at the Legacy.com guestbook.

David was a family man, with a sense of humor.  When David wasn't working overtime to pay for renovations to their house, he was fishing with his son, spreading joy to those around him, or riding his blue Harley Davidson.  He enjoyed playing practical jokes on his co-workers in the WTC Lcck Shop.

David was also one of the heroes of September 11th.  He knew the layout of the World Trade Center complex like the back of his hand.  And after the attacks came, he went back in, to help.  He was one of 13 civilians who was posthumously awarded a Medal of Honor for his service on September 11, 2001.

On September 14, 2003, David's brother Martin and his wife became parents.  Their new son is named David Ortiz.

“But then, where Little Red was raised, he never even saw electric lights"

September 8, 2006 07:13 PM

So says Lee Ann Grogan, mother of Bobby Grogan, a 14 year-old from Price Hill.

Don't worry, Little Red is not Bobby's nickname.  She's talking about his stray steer, who escaped from the Harvest Home Parade, and is now on the lamb lam in Mt. Airy Forest.  [For the non-locals, Mt. Airy is an enormous wooded park, surrounded by a very populated area]. 

Yes, this is Cincinnati's second runaway cow in recent memory.  The last one was on the loose for 11 days, dodging the media and the police, who were after her with cameras, helicopters and tranquilizer guns.  The last one garnered world-wide media attention, including live coverage from the Today Show and Good Morning America.

No, NBS does not know why Cincinnati has been blessed in this unique way.  Not one, but two escaped cows!

It remains to be seen if Big Red will have same knack for PR are her compatriot, Bossy/Golda Meir/Cinci Freedom (different people had different names for her).

Get in line now...

September 7, 2006 04:47 PM

..to pick up a copy of Cindy Sheehan's new book.  It is due out September 19, which means she is operating under the seriously misguided assumption that it will help her candidates in the November elections.  And in it, we will learn that the so called "peace mom" has "fantasized about going back in time and killing the infant George W. Bush."

Keep talking, Cindy.  Keep talking.  As Wonkette points out, Karl Rove is loving you and your big mouth.  And as much as we want to throttle you, NBS does too.  Please keep at it!

We also have to agree with this commenter over at Wonkette:

Call me crazy, but if you were hellbent on going back in time to kill a baby to stop the Iraq war, wouldn't you want to kill, oh I dunno, Saddam Hussein? That way you prevent three wars, an attempted genocide, a totalitarian regime, and Don Rumsfeld's painfully bumpy ride in the back of a C-130 to visit him Baghdad. Also, because the invasion of Kuwait doesn't happen, Osama bin Laden doesn't offer to protect Saudi oil fields, and doesn't get rebuffed by the royal family, and feelings hurt, doesn't decide he's going to declare war on them and their infidel backers, i.e. us. That's like win/win/win/win/win/win/win.

Time Traveling Cindy, oh Time Traveling Cindy, why won't you use your Time Machine to kill Baby Saddam?

Other than the use of the word "attempted" to describe Saddam Hussein's genocide (it wasn't just attempted, after all), we couldn't agree more.

“Suri’s onesie by Petit Bateau; socks by Baby Dior"

That, apparently, is the fine print on the big Suri Cruise spread in Vanity Fair.  Not much, but it says a lot about these parents and their priorities.

Caryn James in the New York Times has an excellent take down on the whole affair, right down to her analysis of how these parents have difficulty separating celebrity from reality:

[I]f you announce your romance on “Oprah” and your engagement at an international news conference, you can’t complain about press coverage later; that is the compact Mr. Cruise and Ms. Holmes implicitly made with the public. Yet now they’re actually complaining.

But who asked anyone to pry other than Suri’s own parents, he laughing maniacally and she giggling endlessly before the cameras? No one really thought Suri was imaginary or some creature from another planet. The press was simply expecting what the Cruise-Holmes publicity machine had conditioned them for: more displays of a family life that only the Cruise camp can possibly see as normal.

She describes the Annie Leibovitz cover shot thusly:

Both parents have their eyes down, gazing at Suri, who stares directly at the camera; it’s a photograph that says, “Look, it’s not about us, it’s about her.”

But of course it is entirely about them, with Suri as their beautiful little prop.

A pretty apt description, yes? 

Good News: Troy is Found

We were relieved to hear the good news from Laura Ingraham today.  Her 12 year-old yellow lab was found yesterday by a dog walker, about a mile from her home.  Laura took the past two days off work on her excellent radio show to search for him.

Troy, lost and found.

The Washington Post reports on the good news:

Troy, a regular on the show, wandered away from Ingraham's new Northwest Washington home Monday afternoon and became the object of an exhaustive dog hunt, complete with on-air and online updates. The conservative commentator made a tearful call to her show yesterday morning asking for help, and assembled pals to paper the neighborhood with Troy's picture.

Presidential Appointment for Clay Aiken?

Yes, that's what this release from the White House says.  He's been appointed to "The President's Committee for People with Intellectual Disabilities."

We think it's Clay's fan's who are the ones with intellectual disabilities.

NBS is honored to announce...

September 6, 2006 09:00 PM

...that we will be participating in the 2,996 project, to commemorate the fifth anniversary of September 11.

We have been given the name of the person we will be honoring.  Check back as September 11 approaches for more coverage of the 2,996 Project, and for the tribute we are preparing.

Cincinnati Attorneys Asked to Support Marc Dann

Well, well, well.

What to make of the email that was forwarded to NBS today, as well as to a number of other Cincinnati attorneys?  It originated from an attorney whose law firm is hosting a fundraiser for Marc Dann on September 25.  They are looking for other attorney "hosts" for the shindig, and asking for $500 from each attorney who is willing to host.

What kind of attorneys are they looking for? 

People that we're interested in inviting (and are likely to contribute) will either be Democrats or anyone (Democrat or Republican) that is involved with state business (e.g., represents a state university or other entity, is a Worker's Comp attorney, does collection work for the state).

In other words: they are looking for attorneys who hope to profit off of special counsel contracts with the AG's office.

Isn't the issue of pay-to-play special counsel work one of Marc Dann's big issues in the Attorney General race?

Didn't he tell the Cleveland Plain-Dealer that his goal was to bring greater transparency to the bidding of special counsel contracts and sever perceived ties between contributions and legal work?  We believe he did.

How about "severing those perceived ties" by not appearing at your own fundraiser, Marc?

"Progress requires" that we watch Katie tonight...

September 5, 2006 05:00 PM

..and burn a few bras while we're at it.

Well!  It's time to scurry home to watch the "CBS News... With Katie Couric."  We can't turn away from watching this train wreck unfold.

We were tempted to stay away though, because of crap like this, from Rochelle Riley.  The AP reports that tonight's big non-event,

"Moved Rochelle Riley, columnist at the Detroit Free Press, to urge women across the country to watch Couric.

"You don't have to be a fan," Riley wrote. "You don't even have to like the news. But progress requires it."

Progress requires that women across the country tune in to watch Katie Couric host the CBS Evening News?  PROGRESS?

Isn't Ms. Riley's word choice so perfectly stereotypical?  You don't even have to "like the news," but your feminist credentials will be revoked if you don't suck it up and watch Katie crack this supposed glass ceiling.  It's PROGRESS, you see.  So it is REQUIRED.

It's like Rochelle Riley is the hammer and sickle of modern liberalism!  

UPDATE:  We missed it while kissing law firm partner ass, and pretending that we weren't actually planning on leaving the office at 6:00.  Ann Althouse has the play-by-play, and she wasn't exactly thrilled with the show.  She writes:

"It's so annoying to feel forced into it!"

You were, Ann!  Progress forced you into it!

Ann goes on to describe some of the show's low points:

After the break, Couric introduces a "picture perfect idea" that combines travel scenery, kids -- orphans! -- and art. You have got to be kidding me. The artist is from Madison, Wisconsin, so I should be soft on this, but I'm not. Wait, this guy doesn't paint the portraits for the orphans. He gets American school kids to paint pictures of photographs of orphans. We're told the painters form a real connection as they stare at the photos, as is necessary in order to do the paintings. We're informed that staring into the eyes has a very special effect. What glop! And the privileged painter and the orphan paintee sometimes even become penpals. Arrgggghhhhh... I'm in pain from this one.

Now, Katie tells us coyly that she just can't figure out what her sign-off line should be. She shows clips of various real and fictional newsguys signing off and then tries to enlist us in the fun of suggesting sign-off lines. "Log on to our website," she says. Log on. When you go to a website, are you "logging on"? See, I'm ready to be irked by anything! Well, let's go over there -- log on over there -- and see whether people are suggesting insulting sign-offs, which is what I would expect, which is one reason it's such a bad idea.

But why did they think it was a good idea? It's like a schoolteacher's "hands-on" assignment. Ooh, she wants to include us. It's so feminine to want everyone to feel included. But how about having an identity instead of asking us to supply one or offering to please us with whatever we want? You couldn't even write a sign-off line or, more aptly, you had to use the sign-off gimmick to make it seem as though this is some new interactive version of the news? What a grand step forward for women!

A grand step forward, indeed!  Sounds like Katie is off to a great start.  We can't wait until the first National Disaster she is expected to cover with gravitas.  What will it be then, coloring books?

Labor Daize Weekend

September 1, 2006 04:12 PM

The Wall Street Journal is out with a story on bloggers and vacationing.  The gist?  Some bloggers don't even take them.  They are too obsessed.  Jim Romensko even stops 8 times on a 85 mile car ride so he can update his site.

NBS is not so tightly wound.  We're off to Northern Michigan for the weekend.  If the weather's nice, you shouldn't even be reading anyway. 

If we see anybody preparing to blow up the Mackinac Bridge, though, we'll be sure to break in for panicky coverage.