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"Progress requires" that we watch Katie tonight...

September 5, 2006 05:00 PM

..and burn a few bras while we're at it.

Well!  It's time to scurry home to watch the "CBS News... With Katie Couric."  We can't turn away from watching this train wreck unfold.

We were tempted to stay away though, because of crap like this, from Rochelle Riley.  The AP reports that tonight's big non-event,

"Moved Rochelle Riley, columnist at the Detroit Free Press, to urge women across the country to watch Couric.

"You don't have to be a fan," Riley wrote. "You don't even have to like the news. But progress requires it."

Progress requires that women across the country tune in to watch Katie Couric host the CBS Evening News?  PROGRESS?

Isn't Ms. Riley's word choice so perfectly stereotypical?  You don't even have to "like the news," but your feminist credentials will be revoked if you don't suck it up and watch Katie crack this supposed glass ceiling.  It's PROGRESS, you see.  So it is REQUIRED.

It's like Rochelle Riley is the hammer and sickle of modern liberalism!  

UPDATE:  We missed it while kissing law firm partner ass, and pretending that we weren't actually planning on leaving the office at 6:00.  Ann Althouse has the play-by-play, and she wasn't exactly thrilled with the show.  She writes:

"It's so annoying to feel forced into it!"

You were, Ann!  Progress forced you into it!

Ann goes on to describe some of the show's low points:

After the break, Couric introduces a "picture perfect idea" that combines travel scenery, kids -- orphans! -- and art. You have got to be kidding me. The artist is from Madison, Wisconsin, so I should be soft on this, but I'm not. Wait, this guy doesn't paint the portraits for the orphans. He gets American school kids to paint pictures of photographs of orphans. We're told the painters form a real connection as they stare at the photos, as is necessary in order to do the paintings. We're informed that staring into the eyes has a very special effect. What glop! And the privileged painter and the orphan paintee sometimes even become penpals. Arrgggghhhhh... I'm in pain from this one.

Now, Katie tells us coyly that she just can't figure out what her sign-off line should be. She shows clips of various real and fictional newsguys signing off and then tries to enlist us in the fun of suggesting sign-off lines. "Log on to our website," she says. Log on. When you go to a website, are you "logging on"? See, I'm ready to be irked by anything! Well, let's go over there -- log on over there -- and see whether people are suggesting insulting sign-offs, which is what I would expect, which is one reason it's such a bad idea.

But why did they think it was a good idea? It's like a schoolteacher's "hands-on" assignment. Ooh, she wants to include us. It's so feminine to want everyone to feel included. But how about having an identity instead of asking us to supply one or offering to please us with whatever we want? You couldn't even write a sign-off line or, more aptly, you had to use the sign-off gimmick to make it seem as though this is some new interactive version of the news? What a grand step forward for women!

A grand step forward, indeed!  Sounds like Katie is off to a great start.  We can't wait until the first National Disaster she is expected to cover with gravitas.  What will it be then, coloring books?