« Previous · Home · Next »

Best "Help Wanted" Ad Ever

January 20, 2007 11:21 PM

Okay, so as "help wanted" ads go, The Economist is basically akin to the real estate ads in The New York Times magazine: The jobs advertised are as hopelessly unrealistic as a 10,000 square foot pre-War apartment on Park Avenue.  For me, at least.  So I had to laugh out loud when I saw this ad, in the "Executive Focus" section of The Economist:

The Royal Household: Assistant Private Secretary to The Queen, Buckingham Palace

So it really is true!  Good help is hard to come by!  She has to take out a want ad!

But anyway, "want ad" from The Queen or no, it is still hopelessly unrealistic, right?

Actually, maybe not.  Here's the job description:

The Private Secretary's Office acts as the primary source of advice to The Queen on all policy matters and is responsible for managing the official programme.  The role of Assistant Private Secretary includes:

"Planning and organising The Queen's official programme and dealing with constitutional issues in the UK and in the Commonwealth Countries" [ed.  Well, I did the official programme for the big NBS wedding, and everybody thought it was just about the classiest service leaflet they had ever seen!  And as for "constitutional issues," it just so happens that Con Law is my specialty!]

"Keeping The Queen informed of developments and dealing with constitutional issues in the UK and in the Commonwealth Countries" [ed. I could easily keep her informed about Anglican Church politics.  She is the Defender of The Faith, and I have several suggestions for her in that regard.  And again with the constitutional issues... does she want to know how many santas she needs to put in a nativity scene to get it to pass First Amendment muster?  I can help her with that!].

Working with Government departments and devolved administrations [ed. As a lawyer, I do this kind of thing every day, though truth be told, I have no idea what she means by "devolved" administrations"]

Dealing with management and organisational issues within the Private Secretary's Office and Household generally [ed. Wow!  I have experience with this too!  I not only have experience in running a law office, as a newlywed, I also have experience running a Household!  I start the dishwasher, take out the trash, and move clothes from the washing machine to the dryer, which is down in the basement where the crickets are (the insect kind not the English sporting kind--hopefully if I apply, having the wrong kind of crickets won't work against me.)]

But the best part of the ad?  The conclusion, which reads:

"The Royal Household is committed to equality of opportunity"

God bless a hereditary monarch who believes in quality of opportunity.  It must mean she'll take Americans!  It's so big of her to put past differences aside!  So....  It looks like I am qualified to be Assistant Private Secretary to The Queen!  I think I might apply.

UPDATE:  It is done.  I have emailed my resume, per the ad's request, to recruitment@royal.gsx.gov.uk.  Check back here at NBS to see how The Household responds to my resume. 

Really, I'm not kidding.  I sent my real resume.  Not some fake NBS one.

UPDATE No. 2: Could this be the best sit-com ever, or what?

UPDATE No. 3.  Whoops!  I meant to say "enclosed is my CV."  I have been advised that "resume" is too French!

Comments