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Antioch Alumni just need $39,600,000 more

June 25, 2007 10:32 PM

From the Dayton Business Journal (and if that's not an oxymoron, I don't know what is.  Have you driven through downtown Dayton lately?  It's a ghost town.  Nothing but bums and tumbleweed).  But anyway:

Antioch College alumni raised $400,000 over the weekend as part of a $40 million push to save the college.

Pathetic.  The alumni comes up with $400,000?  And they need $40,000,000?  Where are they going to get the rest?  It's not like one of their Freegan alumni is going to find that in a dumpster.  They're going to try, though:

About 500 alumni were in Yellow Springs Friday though Sunday for a homecoming weekend that turned into an organizing effort against the board of trustee's decision to shutter the school.

Homecoming in June?  And it was an "organizing effort"?  Nothing is more fun than replacing what is supposed to be a weekend of drinking and football with a protest.  Wild times!

The alumni association has formed a nonprofit organization, College Revival Fund, to raise $40 million by the end of the year, said alumni board member Steve Duffy. The group hopes to raise $1 million in the next 60 days.

Steve Duffy?  Don't we know him?  Oh yes, I believe we do.  And per the Dayton Business Courier, thanks to loyal assistant librarians like Steve:

Alumni and faculty are fighting the decision to close. The alumni weekend included several meetings between alumni, faculty and the board of trustees members. Faculty met with legal experts among the alumni to discuss potential legal action to stop the closing, said Dimi Reber, a retired dance professor.

You know what they say: "Hell hath no fury like a retired dance professor."  Bring on the lawyers!  Sue the trustees!  Git giggy wit it, dance alumni of Antioch!

[Because I'm all about helping people, I will say that the disgruntled alumni should have their lawyers contact the Ohio Attorney General, and do a little research about the cy pres doctrine, which states that:

When a gift is made by will or trust (usually for charitable or educational purposes), and the named recipient of the gift does not exist, has dissolved or no longer conducts the activity for which the gift is made, then the estate or trustee must make the gift to an organization which comes closest to fulfilling the purpose of the gift.

In other words, people who have given money to Antioch over the years may have a legit gripe.  They may be able to argue that their money should be put to the cause for which it was intended.  This is an ancient doctrine, and thus a tool of the patriarchy, so I'm sure the Antioch alumni won't in good conscience avail themselves of its opportunities the cy pres doctrine may provide.  But still... isn't it beautiful the way I just "gave back"?  Yes, I'm a one man legal aid society  You do not need to email me your thanks, Antioch alumni.]

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