Nasty, Brutish & Short

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So here's the big NBS news: This is where the elliptical machine was supposed to go.

September 19, 2007 07:45 PM

For those who don't know, that's a crib.  No, not the MTV kind.  The baby kind.  I decided to take a break from putting it together (a job that began three days ago) to blog about it. 

But what does the presence of the crib mean, NBSers?  Yes, you are all so smart!  We be habbin' a baby.  Don't worry, this isn't an all access pass.  I won't be taking you inside the delivery room.  In fact, I really don't want to be there myself.  But I'll go, because the damn liberal social mores of our time demand it.  I think I should sitting nervously in the waiting room with a box of cigars in my lap, like it is 1957.  But no, I'll be in there, just because society demands that I not look like an asshole.  I'm not going South of the Equator, though.  That's where I draw the line.  I also will not be cutting the cord, because I read in a baby book that when you do, "stuff" comes flying out of it.  I'm envisioning an unwieldy fireman's hose.  I'm not going there.   

We're past the first 12 weeks (i.e. the risky time) so it looks like this will actually be happening.  The big due date is March 18.  And we have a lot to do before then: finish the martini I have in my hand, finish putting the crib together, put the house on the market, find a buyer, find a new house, move, buy Mrs. NBS a new car that's not a two-door, and figure out child care and/or what Mrs. NBS is doing with her career.  Good thing I'm a firm believer in beginning with first things, because the only thing I'm ready for is that martini.  Holy Shit.  We be habbin' a baby.  Life comes at you fast.  Hope you all are prepared.  There will be some impending fatherhood posts around here, mixed in with the same melange of pop culture critiques and right wing political rants that you have come to expect from NBS.  The times may be changing, but they'll only be getting better.  We be habbin' a baby.

And as for the elliptical machine?  It never made it upstairs.  Right about the last time I blogged about it was just before we found out our news.  And it was kind of like, well now what do we do with that thing?  We don't have room for it, but we definitely still want it.  So it sat there, blocking the downstairs hallway for several weeks, until we slid it into the study to get it out of the way.  We'll set it up at the new house, where we'll have a lot more room.  Whether or not someone will want to use it to lose some weight after the baby arrives, I will not opine on.  For now, we need to "stage" Alco Hall for potential buyers, and we just don't have room for it.  By the way, unlike the elliptical machine, the crib prefers martinis, not scotch.  In fact, a martini should be on the list of "needed tools" that they set out in the horribly translated Chinese instructions.  Trust me, you can't put one of these together without one.  Is this a harbinger of things to come?  Hope you can register for gin and vermouth at BabiesRUs.  I'll need it.  We be habbin' a baby. 


Suggested name for Baby NBS: Zealot.

Anonymous   ·  September 19, 2007 09:16 PM


Anonymous   ·  September 19, 2007 10:07 PM

Baby, Baby!

LL Pinto Bean   ·  September 19, 2007 10:41 PM

Suggested name: For girl, Reaganetta. For Boy, Thatcher.

Titus Andronicus   ·  September 19, 2007 10:53 PM

Dude, you do need a martini. Relax. This whole habbin' a babe thing ain't a big problem until you have three of them.

Yours in __k--__

Brad Drell   ·  September 19, 2007 11:18 PM

The NBS navel-gazing tag now seems strangely appropriate.

Anonymous   ·  September 20, 2007 12:00 AM

Thanks for sharing your news!

Rebecca   ·  September 20, 2007 06:16 AM

Congratulations. May your first child be a masculine child.

And in my experience the Martini won't be enough. You need Scotch, Single Malt,strong, and neat.

The Nonjuror   ·  September 20, 2007 08:32 AM


Anonymous   ·  September 20, 2007 10:33 AM

Are you going to teach your child to love, not hate?

Anonymous   ·  September 20, 2007 01:50 PM

That's great news - congrats! Fear, anxiety, martini drinking - all very normal reactions.

As one who has very recently done battle with all manner of child furniture - I strongly suggest two sets of alan wrenches, metric and 'regular'. That, and tape the useless Chinese instructions in a zip-loc bag to the bottom of the crib once it's been assembled, since to the extent they are useful at all, the crib will need to be re-assembled, and probably re-adjusted as NBS junior grows and calculates various escape routes.

Good luck. It's going to be fun. Really.

Brendan   ·  September 20, 2007 02:13 PM

No matter what you might want to think, having extra parts after the crib is together does not mean the nice manufacturer sent you spares.

Helpful   ·  September 20, 2007 09:48 PM

Thanks for all the well-wishes, NBSers.

Nasty, Brutish and Short   ·  September 21, 2007 08:00 AM