Nasty, Brutish & Short

Baby Archives

Why I haven't been blogging much lately.

May 23, 2008 09:30 PM

Someone has stolen my heart.


Hey, your Dad just dropped out of the Presidential Race. Whatcha gonna do now?

Mitt Romney emails NBS with an update on the Five Brothers:

Dear [NBS]:

I'd like to update you on what's been happening since the campaign ended and to tell you about my latest venture.

First, Ann and I have some exciting news. We have three new grandchildren on the way!

That's a lot of procreatin'.  Maybe one of them is having triplets? 

More socialized medicine horror stories from our friends up north

May 14, 2008 02:29 PM

This time from The Kraalspace, where Dr. Mabuse's 18 year-old daughter is having chronic seizures:

We finally got in to see our GP, after 2 weeks' wait. A week later, Emma went to the General Hospital and had an EEG - it was the middle of the day, not a time when she usually has a problem, so it didn't show up anything too unusual. Except when they started flashing the lights at her - when they got up to 16 pulses per second, her brainwaves started going haywire, so they stopped at that point and didn't do the last 3 levels (I think they can go up to 64 pulses per second).

About 2 weeks later, we finally got the referral to a neurologist at the Civic Hospital. Are you ready for this? The appointment is for August 18. April 4, when she had her big seizure, to August 18 - that's 4.5 months, for an 18-year old girl who is having chronic seizures.

Dr. Mabuse says:

I dream about getting rich, I'm sure many people do. But I never think, "If I had lots of money, I could buy a giant plasma TV and have a computer in every room of the house, and take vacations on a private island in the Caribbean." All I think is, "I'd get my kids the hell out of this dingy backwater, and down the U.S. where they have a decent medical system, and you don't die waiting for a doctor to look at a lump in your breast."

I should point out that Dr. Mabuse lives in Canada's capital city, which hardly needs to be a "dingy backwater," but because of the stupidity of socialism, apparently it is.  Meanwhile, down here in our supposedly "broken" American health care system, I have been shallowly dreaming of plasma tvs and Caribbean vacations.  Even worse, I've been complaining that our private insurer is making us pay the annual deductible for both Mrs. NBS and Baby NBS for the exciting, expensive birth.  I guess they are two people, but I felt the charges ($500 x 2) were outrageous, because it kind of felt like it was "one event" and not two.  But at least no one ended up dead, and when we wanted to stay an extra night, they said no problem.  And they covered the balance of the bill--which was well in excess of $15,000--without batting an eye.

Canada puts it all in perspective though, doesn't it?

They said it was going to be tiring, but...

March 31, 2008 08:18 AM

...I wasn't really expecting how tiring it would be.  Yes, Mrs. NBS and Baby NBS are both fine, after a chaotic arrival into the world, that involved everyone getting emergency surgery--including Henry, the dog (yes, really). 

So sorry for the lack of posting here at NBS, and thanks to those of you who have emailed.  Regular programming will resume shortly!

Nope, still no baby

March 16, 2008 08:21 PM

Thanks to those of you who have asked.  Still no signs.  I was hoping for something this weekend, so I could miss work on Monday.  But nothing yet.

The official due date is not until Tuesday.  I keep reminding Mrs. NBS of that.  "It's not like a library book," I tell her.  "You don't have to have finished with it by the due date."  I know, I'm not much help.  But really, what am I supposed to do?  Since I don't know, I just crack lame jokes, like asking, "Are you stuck?" when she was dusting under the bed.  That got a big laugh.  From me, anyway.  I thought Winnie the Pooh jokes were baby-appropriate?

I did get a laugh out of her when I packed my bag for the hospital.  It started out with me thinking that I may have to come straight from work, and would not want to go through all that "hospital stuff" in a suit.  So I packed my own bag: Duck boots (in case things get messy), wicking fabric shorts and shirt (if it's sweaty) and airport-sized bottles of rum that I got out of a piñata at a Halloween party a few years back (no parenthetic explanation needed).  And no, cheap rum is not my beverage of choice, but I think it's tacky to make a liquor store run just so you can pack you childbirth bag.  And now's actually a good time to get it off the NBS bar--I never have it out if people are over.  I think it's orange flavored, or something like that.  But as they say, any port in a storm.

Ooooo.  There's an idea.  Maybe I should pack some port? 

 Bean Boots by L.L.Bean®, Men's 6

Mrs. NBS is nine months pregnant, and now we're having a blizzard

March 7, 2008 10:37 AM

Welcome to my world. 

In case it's not obvious, we're not exactly "deliver at home" kind of people.  Thank God for Youtube.  I'm sure I can find something on there that tells me what I'm supposed to do.

Oooooooo.  Here's an idea.  Maybe I can get her to shovel the driveway.   She's ready to get this baby out.  And then the driveway will be clear for when we need it.

The Village of Indian Hill: "We don't care if poor peoples' babies go flying through windshields."

February 18, 2008 09:19 PM

Okay, so Mrs. NBS and I spent Saturday at Childbirth Class (more on that later) and I wanted to make sure I blogged about one of the leaflets we were given, because it was so obnoxious.  And that leaflet was the list of all the fire departments in the Greater Cincinnati area where they'll put your car seat in properly for you.  You know, because car seats are so complicated that people can't figure them out, and then they get in an accident and the next thing you know, there's a dead baby.

So it's basically a service that's a good thing, something that firemen can do while they're waiting around for a fire that needs to be put out.  Because I'm sure nobody's going to show up and be like "Wait!  Don't leave! You can't go to that fire, I need you to put my car seat in."

Except that must be what the Indian Hill-Madeira Fire Department is afraid of.  Either that, or hordes of people from Madisonville demanding immediate car seat attention.  I don't know what.  Because yes, you guessed it.  On the lengthy list of fire departments in the Tri-State that you can go to to get your car seat put in, Indian Hill is the only one that specifies: "RESIDENTS' ONLY."  It is the only one, out of dozens and dozens of municipalities, that puts ANY restrictions on its car seat installation policy.  And this is on a list that goes to practically every expectant couple in the Tri-State, nearly all of whom don't live in Indian Hill and would never dream of going to the Indian Hill Fire Department and demanding car seat attention.  Bad PR, Indian Hill.  Bad, bad PR.

When we were looking over these materials on Saturday, I saw the woman in front of me pointing to Indian Hill and saying to her husband "Look, they say 'RESIDENTS' ONLY.'"  This was a couple that was probably going to have difficulty even affording to buy a car seat.  Much less a house in Indian Hill, which is apparently what they need if they happen to stop by the I-H Fire Department because they can't figure out how to put the damn thing in.

I would think the hassle of putting in maybe five or six extra car seats per year for non-Indian Hill residents would be more than outweighed by the benefits of not singling your municipality out as being horrifically snobby.  What the hell is this, India during the reign of Queen Victoria?

Family Planning, as it should be.

February 3, 2008 08:44 PM

Except we're not going over the top with wallpaper and cutesy tootsie murals.  But the sentiment is right.  And honestly, the happy waspy '50s couple kind of looks like us.

Sunday Morning. Supportive Husband.

Mrs. NBS:  "I just feel so.... wide."

Me:  "Well!  There's a wideness in God's mercy!"

Just six more weeks to go.

From the "good to know" department, helpful information for new parents, that's easy to understand

January 28, 2008 02:42 PM

And this one seems especially apt:


HT: Blake Fox, (and here are more helpful pictograms).

Stimulus Package

January 24, 2008 05:02 PM

What I want to know is do we get extra money for the NBS baby even though she won't be born until March, but will be born before the checks start gettin' cut?

I wants to take our babymoney to the Argosy.

Yale Med Students Celebrate 35 Years of Roe v. Wade

January 23, 2008 09:22 AM


Evans and Rasha Khoury MED ’08, another member of Medical Students for Choice, who said she plans to become a gynecologist and expects to perform abortions, went on to describe one of the most common abortion procedures, manual vacuum aspiration, which “creates suction to evacuate pregnancy,” Evans said. The technique is a good option because the device involved is reusable and relatively cheap, she said.

“It’s not as scary as it seems. It’s just blood and mucus,” Khoury said, referring to the fetus remains in the device. She added, “You’ll be able to see arms and stuff, but still just miniscule.”

Evans and Khoury also explained the finer points of abortion-clinic etiquette, including some potentially sensitive terminology. Khoury said physicians performing abortions generally refer to the aborted fetus remains as “POC,” an acronym for “product of conception,” and refer to fetus’ hearts as “FH.”

The most complicated part of the procedure can be the emotional fallout some patients experience, she said.

“Often times, women are crying and cursing and saying they’re going to hell,” Khoury said. “It may be a quick and easy medical procedure, but it definitely is a very involved social-medical procedure.”

The presenters also urged the crowd to become involved in the abortion-rights movement by joining Reproductive Health Externships, a campaign in which volunteers are taught how to conduct abortions.

“It’s fun because you meet people from all over the country who do them,” Khoury said. “It’s pretty inspiring.”

So which is more disturbing, the quote about how you can see "arms and legs and stuff," or the guy who says "It's fun because you meet people from all over the country who do them.  It's pretty inspiring"?

UPDATE: Hmmm.  The article has been pulled from the website of the Yale Daily News.  I can't imagine why.

When I said I feared the NBS baby would be a Democrat, perhaps I misspoke.

January 18, 2008 11:35 PM

Though it is a pity Democrats would say it's child abuse to kick his ass.

The Candidates' Homes, an NBS Tour

January 17, 2008 02:59 PM

Of course, Mother Jones put these photos up because they want you to think we're ruled by monied, hypocritical, gas guzzling aristocrats, no matter which party wins.  I'm putting them up because real estate is porn for married people.  So let's begin!

Here's Huckabee's house.  Not surprisingly, the candidate that I like the least has the house I like the least.  It's weighs in at 5,124 square feet, with a deck and a swimming pool.  It's also boring, and has atrocious landscaping:


Here's Rudy's pad in New York.  I really can't relate to it, but it's got a Walnut-paneled dining room and a cigar room.  I don't smoke, but I like the sound of that.  There's no rule that says you can't use your cigar room as a drinking room.


The McCains do the tall building thing too, but theirs is a $4.7 mill condo in Phoenix.  They also have a ranch in Sedona, which was profiled in Home & Garden.  I think I also saw it in Architectural Digest a few years ago.  It was nice.  Better than their condo, anyway:


Turning for a minute to the other side of the aisle, here's Hill and Bill's place in Westchester County.  I have no problems with it, and it certainly comports with whatever their pollster told them to buy.  I just wonder if they've ever seen it themselves?


Can't you just feel the love radiating off of the Clinton's house?  You know it's just a place of intimate diners for two, and passionate, romantic interludes.  When Hillary's in D.C.

The Obamas' place in Chicago is also nice.  And, it has a 1,000 bottle wine cellar.  Me like the sound of that!  Party at the Obamas!  They need to learn to bring the trash cans back up promptly though.  How rude.


You've already heard me opine in the hideousness of the Edwards home in North Carolina.  It is too big (21,000 square feet).  And it has an indoor basketball court.  They also have a beach house in North Carolina.  Presumably it's more suitable to his "Two Americas" crap than this is:


Here's one that's big and tasteful.  It's the Romney's ski retreat in Park City, Utah.  Looks like a house the Bushes would own.  Mitt has residences in several states, I believe.  Mrs. Romney must do a lot of dusting.  Of course, when you don't smoke or drink, what else is there to do?


NBS is ready to call the winner in the taste department, though.  This is the Thompsons' house in McLean, Virginia.  A seven bedroom, five bath stunner with a real Presidential air.



Another book I won't be writing...

January 11, 2008 10:43 PM

Someone beat me to it!  One nephew, at the age of three, once pointed to beer in their refrigerator and explained "Das daddy juice."  So it runs in the family.

New baby fears

January 5, 2008 11:49 PM

So in addition to the "Please God, Don't Let Her Be a Democrat" thing, have I also mentioned that I live in fear that I'm going to be the next Brenda Nessleroad-Slaby?  It's true.  I think it's one of the reasons I was so easy on Brenda Nessleroad-Slaby this summer, after she left her baby to roast in a hot car while she went in to work.  I knew we'd be bringing home a baby, and I knew I could see myself being so absent minded.

In fact, I had a law professor once who began class once in a very rattled manner, and then explained it was because he had been outside his normal routine that morning, and was supposed to drop the kids of at school.  But instead, he went in completely the wrong direction, and didn't realize it until he was parking at the law school, and from the back seat he heard "Dad!!! You were supposed to take us to school!!!!"  It's a good thing they spoke up, or he probably would have left them in there.

I could totally see that happening to me.

So anyway, as we've been looking for a baby friendly new car, I've paid particular attention to the mirrors you get (on some SUVs, they are built-in) that show the back seat.  I've been very focused on things you can get to help you remember not to roast your child.  Turkey timers, I gather, would be considered child abuse.  And there's a big debate about mirrors, because if you're in an accident, they could fall off and konk (or even slice) they baby.  So it's all very complicated, and also a big conspiracy to get you to spend money on some supposedly fool-proof thing. 

But, the good news is, I've come up with what I think it just about the best PSA spot ever, for local radio when it get hot this summer:

Don't Slaby Your Baby.

Classy, isn't it!  700WLW would totally run it, anyway.  Can't you imagine it on billboards all over the tri-state?